Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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