bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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