last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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