My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
