What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
