nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
