I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
