my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up under a house in Key West
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
