YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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