he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
