Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
