hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
