Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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