it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
