I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She's not a foreskin expert like you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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