im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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