Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
