The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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