apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
