While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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