Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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