I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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