I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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