Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
