the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
