names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
