Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
