My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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