Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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