im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
