I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
