the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
