vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
