THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
