I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
