like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
