totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
