She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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