ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
