you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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