You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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