I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
