i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
