also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
