Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
