You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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