omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
