you have to choose: penises or morals?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
