Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
