but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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