i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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