I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
