im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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