I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
