good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
