Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
