So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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