sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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