My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
