Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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