At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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